punch drunk poetry

Well.

After 3 years and 600 posts, I've decided to officially retire this livejournal.

Because I'm far too in love with the sound of my own typing, however, my blogging days are not over. I'm moving to blogger, which is hopefully a much more formal and grown-up form of self-absorption.

For those interested, the new blog is http://www.punchdrunkpoetry.blogspot.com/.

Who knows, I might pull a Jay-Z and come back, but for now, it looks like goodbye.

So thanks to all my (millions of) readers and commenters. Hopefully you'll continue to follow me throughout my mundane and mad little life.

Peace, love and Merry Christmas.

It's been real.

*bows*

Back from the brink a bit, from my equivalent of a mini-relapse. Made up of mental states and thoughts rather than any kind of action, because apparently I haven't yet learned to translate.

My new distraction will be sewing. It is decided. I wonder if that will last longer than a week and a few messy attempts.

I just downloaded an illegal version of a program I apparently already had. Points for me!

Mopey today.

Will post my NaNoWriMo failure later tonight. I hope.

Things what I want to be doing with this journal:

1. Themed music uploads

2. A full post of the result of my NaNoWriMo failure, entitled "The First Week of November"

3. My top 10 lists of 2008 (ESPECIALLY MOVIES)

4. A post on The Fall

5. An explanation as to why I haven't spoken of Supernatural in quite a long time

6. My FRIGGING OBAMA POST


So, yes. Once I regain the ability to write, this is what I'll be doing. Hopefully soon.

I'm actually movie-marathoning it to prepare for my top 10 movie list. I KNOW RIGHT, I'M SO FREAKING COOL.

Dear Kirin,

You're awesome. Thank you for reading my el-jay, and being a great friend, and - of course- for mastering all those drinks with me.

Merry Early Christmas.

A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All - The Album

Enjoy.

Love,

Mary Ellen

P.S. Anyone else can have at that link as well.

I've been struggling for a while with expressing my thoughts over Obama's election.

I should've known this man would sum it up more eloquently than I ever could.

Movie Survey!

( SO EXCITING I SWEAR. )

A meme, because I'm wasting time.

The Rules:
1. Answer each of the questions below using the Flickr Search engine.
2. Choose a photo from the first three pages.
3. Copy the URL of your favorite photo into this site: http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php
4. Then share with the world.

( Oooh, pretty. )

ZOMG, MISHA COLLINS, Y SO AWESOME?

From this interview.


You've appeared in many of the most popular current TV shows. Are there any in particular, past or present, that you would like to work on?

Boston Legal is a great show. I would love to get on that. And.... South Park would be fun. Matt Stone and Trey Parker would be so fun to work with. Oh. I like Damages too and Flight of the Concords.


EEEE! Oh man, what good taste. And for great comedy, apparently. I would have never guessed. Probably that trouble I have distinguishing between characters and the actors who play them thanks to my tenuous grip on reality, y/y?

I held off as long as I could. I mean he's pretty, sure. And apparently he's a published poet, which whatever. He's pretty sharp, hmmm, ok. But a love of South Park and Conchords? I'm done. I'm officially a Misha fangirl.

BUT I STILL HATE RUBY. PROBABLY CAUSE I'M A SECRET SEXIST. ONE OF THOSE STATEMENTS IS SARCASTIC.

In other news, I'm off on a yoga retreat until Tuesday. Seeing as I've only ever done yoga once before in my entire life, I'm a bit terrified, but hey. If you're gonna fail miserably in front of a group of people, it might as well be yoga people. I doubt they're too judgmental.

So yeah, I'll get back to posting on Tuesday. Until then.

How about some free music, everybody?


Valerie Plame by The Decemberists

Caught the last minute of this song on the radio, and my interest was immediately piqued. It sounded like an absurd new "Hey Jude" for this generation, and I dug it. Since then I was able to track it down online and I can't stop listening to it. The Decemberists are usually either hit or miss with me, but I'm definitely putting this song in the "hit" category. Catchy, cool and funny. Love it.


Wilco by Wilco

A couple of weeks ago, Wilco was on The Colbert Report and, while there, played a new song called "Wilco". I managed to get audio of it and have been playing it over and over on my iTunes since. I need more Wilco in my life; I only have a couple songs of theirs but have always had this odd, possibly irrational place in my heart for them. Anyway, solid song, with the most masterful bit of lyric of all time, "Colbert will love you, baby." I hope so, Wilco. I hope so.


Halfway Home by TV on the Radio

Possibly my favorite song off TV on the Radio's new album, Dear Science. TV on the Radio is just rad, people. I... have nothing more to say. Just listen, it's real good. Took a while for me to get into it, but I love it now. Great song to write to, as well.


Maps (acoustic) by Yeah Yeah Yeahs

I love the acoustic version of Maps. It's just so soft and broken and sweet, and so utterly unlike your typical Karen O fare, but it works in spite of that. It has such a different feel to it than the usual version, and both manage to kick ass in their own way. One of my favorite
love songs ever.


Howl by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club

This song has been a favorite of mine for a while, ever since I got the Southland Tales soundtrack. I was in a tumultuous friendship at the time and this song managed to describe the situation to perfection. Just recently I found this extended version, and the production is SO MUCH BETTER that I'm falling in love with it all over again. Every time the chorus comes around, it's just this gorgeous explosion of sound and it's rad like nothing else.


I have so many more songs I'd like to post, so I think I'll make this into a once-a-week thing. Yes? No? Input is appreciated.

Enjoy, and please comment if you take any of them.

So People came out with their Sexiest Men of 2008. While the list had a few good picks, there were also some unfortunate surprises. I mean, Zac Efron? Really?? And Ben (fucking) Silverman? No thank you.

Well, because my opinion is more important than anyone else's, I just couldn't let this list stand as the be-all end-all sexy-man authority. Which is why I've composed my own.

( Preeeesenting... )

Jake, of Supernatural's psychic kids, is totally on a commercial for Washington Mutual, in which he persuades an unsuspecting plump gentleman to follow him and his minions in opening the gateway to hell. Or something like that. I might have not been listening, but instead yelling at my screen, "DON'T DO IT! HE KILLED SAMMY!"

Oh, Supernatural. You bring out my crazy so beautifully.

Um.

Am I alone in my MAJOR attraction to one Gabe Tigerman?

I totally want to hang out with him for a day. Or just marry him. If he wasn't already married, which I also somehow find adorable because, oh I don't know, EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM IS.

I just love funny guys. Jared and Jensen are goofy in their own way, but they don't have that unique sort of presence that can just carry a crowd with good comedy.

Here's a video from the con yesterday that I loved.




He seems to have the same tendency to irrationally rebel against things as I do, as well as the same sort of relationship with Kripke. (Damn you, Kripke.) And I loved his clarification that Andy was certainly not in any way a rapist. (Good to hear.)

Now to wait for video of some hot guys who are in love, or whatever.

I seem to have lost the ability to write. Anything. At all. Even blog posts about insignificant details on CW shows and how they make me feel deep down inside, or whatever.

I feel so stretched and crabby and disconnected. I'm trying to keep myself distracted but I've got the worst case of brain-fog so I can't even concentrate on a damn thing. I'm just in this perpetual in-between where everything sucks and I bitch so much, even I want to strangle myself.

Not to mention just how alone I am in all of this, because everyone else is together enough to actually make lives for themselves.

I don't blame them or anything stupid like that, it just sucks to be the outlier.

Fuck, I hate this.

/bitchery.

( More thoughts on Supernatural 4.09 and Firefly )


Also, um, why did Firefly get canceled again?

I blame Edlund.

( On Supernatural, episode 4.09 )

In other news, I'm watching Dave Matthews Band Live at Piedmont right now and I'm starting to get teary-eyed at the sight of Roi alive and playing beautiful music. I miss my boys so much.

Sigh. Will probably write more later today.

I might have maybe just spoiled myself for tonight's Supernatural episode that I have yet to watch.

And now I am afraid to watch said episode.

I might have words, Kripke. I just might.

DeVotchKa? What the hell are you thinking?! Letting fucking... "Gears of War 2", some new fucking X Box game, use HOW IT ENDS in their fucking commercial?!

Johnson and Johnson was one thing... allowed because, hey, babies. But X BOX GAMES?

Not on.

Ok, so.

I want to get back in the habit of actually updating this journal. I'm not exactly sure why. I think that burst of writing in the beginning of November got me so used to typing that my fingers are now incapable of stopping. Or I could just be bored. In any case, I figure that gives me about a 50% chance of actually following through with said commitment, so I figured I should take a look at this journal and figure out what the hell I'm going to do with it.

First of all, Future Post Topics I Have Yet to Address:

1. Barack Obama's election (if I ever find the words)
2. Proposition 8
3. Firefly and why it kicks so much ass
4. John Krasinski and why I love him the best
5. My feminist happy list
6. Russell Brand and why I love him no matter what

That covers a pretty wide range of topics - politics to TV shows to fangirling to current events. I'd like for my journal to be the same, but I always just end up in a rut where I can't motivate myself to do anything but talk about Supernatural. Or, you know, whatever.

I don't think I'll do such extensive episode recaps anymore - maybe just a paragraph or two. Maybe for other shows as well - like pushing daisies and the office and the colbert report. Might keep writing little fiction or prose-poetry pieces on the side and post some here. Other than that, maybe just a bit of whining about my life and a random youtube clip or two.

If any of my multitudes of readers has a request, I'd love to hear it.

Um, that's pretty much all to say, for now. Might get started on this whole she-bang later tonight. Might not. I'm a mysterious woman, what can I say.

She runs her hands over the pock-marked wall and wonders, if her bones and skin were even close to accurate representation, would she be similarly marred and mottled? Hit on the walls when she was still a child, then the bruises started blossoming cross her own skin. In to out, back to front. Twisted up like every good falsehood, and the seasons keep passing, and the places keep changing, and she drives by the sleeping giants with their tree-woven blankets and she hopes, with each new day she hopes for change. Standing in socks and too-thin pajama pants, she looks up and the world is waiting like a mirage and she’s stepping forward, one two three, and there has to be something. Has to be. She’s been to the bleakest cliffs, stood staring over their edges, and she’s said no. Now only to search til she finds something she can say yes to. The world spins around every muttering mind and she watches and she waits, and a blue-eyed boy tells her the world is no wall, it’s a breathing creature like those snoring giants half-covered in early snow. Ceiling-stare and the light burns on and there has to be something. Has to be.

And the great wind comes and the robberies of the rain, and you hope you haven’t yet been stolen.

So, um.

I've officially quit NaNoWriMo.

I know, I know. Cue the boo's and I-told-you-so's and all that noise. I'm completely comfortable with my decision. It was just too much. You'd think that having nothing in my life at the moment would make writing easier. It doesn't. I have the time, but I'm just constantly drained by loneliness and apathy and sense of complete isolation. I have no support net. I just can't write a novel in a vacuum.

I got up to 9,000 words and change, though, so I did very well try. I'm happy to be away from all that, though.

As for life in general, I'm apparently a huge loser, as I might also be quitting my fiction class and moving back home. I'm just so drained - physically, emotionally, spiritually. I just don't think I can keep putting up with living in a cockroach-infested dump with a messy roommate that leaves out food so the whole place smells like rot, where I'm isolated from all friends and/or social activity and I have class only one day a week for two hours, leaving the rest of the time free for me to sulk and stare at walls and see a therapist who doesn't help and costs three times the amount my therapist back home does and generally mourn the mess that is my life. I am unhappy, and I really have every right to be. It's a miserable existence, and I just can't stand for that.

So, my tentative plan is to drop said class, move back home and volunteer at the local children's hospital. That way I get to work with kids again and find something to pass the time while still living around people I know and occasionally love. And who knows, maybe I'll be able to get back to writing. Not a novel, but something.

Anyway, it's just a thought.

Tomorrow is my big important interview with Dream College and I'm actually embarrassingly nervous about the whole affair. Hopefully I won't make an idiot of myself.

I also still need to write about Obama. And talk about how rad Firefly is, because I've been watching it a ton lately. And, um, probably complain more, cause that's how I roll.

Until then.